All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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