I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
