You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
