I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
