you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
