My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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