Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize