We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
accomplished twins. life is a go
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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