so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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