i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
