im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
