Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
