How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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