a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
