Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
