i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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