Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
