Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
