she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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