Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize