Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
