I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
