we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
