ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
