SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
