I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
