I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
