Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
