Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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