Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
