so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
