Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
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