But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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