hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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