I smell stomach acid.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Randomize
