Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
