I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Do vagina's smell?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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