winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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