Dude my mom stole all your condoms
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
