TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
