as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
