Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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