Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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