then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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