I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
