apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize