Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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