he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
