What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Where is the hickey?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
