What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
