i just google imaged poop.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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