Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
