Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
