$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
