found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
