My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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