There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize