I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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