Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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