Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
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