dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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