allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
