plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
