Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
