i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
