Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Two words: blizzard sex
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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