I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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