Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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