I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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