Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
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