I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
